Trying To Be Still

So....we are now moved to a new home, Chief is back to work and Little Chief back to school and I am unpacking and trying to settle in. I have been a "worker bee" all my life. I got my first job when I was 15 and have been at it ever since. I have had a multitude of jobs over the years; Everything from Karaoke DJ, to managing a retail store, to medical transcriptionist to my job for the last 5 or so years, a paralegal. Thanks to the military you never really get to stay in one place for long, so you take what you can get - job wise. Unfortunately, none of those jobs have been very fulfilling - they paid the bills though. This time I promised myself to try and find a job that I love rather than tolerate. I am finding that easier said than done though. I feel guilty about not contributing to our household income and in one way feel I should go ahead and bite the bullet and apply for another paralegal job and get some money in the house. But on the other hand I feel I should be true to my commitment to myself. I really want to open a cupcakery that sells specialty party favors and has a "party room" for showers and other events. I have wanted to do this for a long time. I have the talent, the creativity and the work ethic, but the economy and basically fear are holding me back. I mean let's face it - it is not the best time to open a small business these days and I do not have the one years worth of savings that is recommended when starting a new biz. BUT the entrepaneureal spirit is what this country is best known for and people start businesses all the time with little or no capital. So I am torn - compromise (again) or hold out and do what I really want to do.

Last night I was conflicted and worried and generally anxious about these decisions. When I laid my head down, I could not sleep for wondering what I am supposed to do. I don't consider myself a religious person, but I am a spiritual person. I felt a still small voice telling me to "Be Still". So I am going to sit here and try not to take control and be still for a little while, even if I am REALLY fidgeting!!